Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Ashamed/Apology

Recently I went through a box of old literature/letters my father/mother had written asking people for money/food/insulin/vitamins, etc, over the course of many years since 1969 on to say 2004. My father had scammed many people out of money including relatives, friends, neighbors, priests and his own children. I am ashamed if I contributed in any way to this being one of his older children (his 4th child), I learned to rely on others for food, shelter and money. Often my father sent me away as a teenager. I never had money. I left home with no money and learned to "hustle" others, if you will. I am deeply ashamed how I lived. I apologize to all I have hurt in the following years after I left home...if I stayed with you, asked for money, clothes, food, I'm sorry. One of my steps in therapy towards recovery for my bulimia is to right the wrongs and I want to make this right. If you feel I have wronged you in any way please let me know so I can make it right. I have made a list of a few people I personally want to apologize to and make restitution to.

  Another apology: I apologize sincerely if anything I have said or done has hurt anyone concerning this blog or anything else. I apologize if I have repeated something that should have been kept to myself. I thought I was doing the right thing and never meant for anyone to get hurt. Please let me know what I can do to make it right if I have personally hurt or affected your life negatively.

I will do whatever I can to make up for my father's sins and my own mistakes. I am fighting a battle everyday, and fighting my demons. Everytime I think of this child sexual predator walking the streets my soul dies a little bit more. I wish I could have the answers to keep the world safe from child abusers, but I don't. But I am looking for those answers and will fight until I find them.

I'm so sorry again. I feel that there is so much hurt/pain with this that it can't even be described. I can't even believe how many lives have been destroyed or used and abused.I refuse to continue with this cycle. I refuse to continue to blame my parents for my actions. From this day on I am accountable for what I do.




Posted by Guadalupe Maria at 4:15 PM

7 comments:

  1. I really respect your decision to seek peace via accountability and wish you the best with it. I hope however that while you accept responsibility for your own actions, you won't stop holding your parents accountable for theirs. A big part of ending the cycle of abuse is calling it out and educating others. Best of luck, thank you for the work you are doing.

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  2. Guadalupe, your blog has opened the eyes of everyone that reads it, you are doing what you need to be doing! Please continue to heal, and try not to look back at the things you have done when you were young, you were a child & doing what you were taught. Keep moving forward and continue to blossom, you are beautiful ! Thank you for your courage & honesty, it will help others in the future, you will see!! God Bless you! xo

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  3. There is no need to be ashamed or even to apologize for things that you did back then.. Or that we're done to you... It is part of healing to recognize and let the burden off of your shoulders... Don't let anyone tell you that Openin up and talking about what happened is bad...it isn't the truth needed to be known even if that means some might get mad....



    Never regret what you have done to over come this and to make people know the truth! Xoxo

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  4. I agree so heartily with the above three comments and I truly hope you will think seriously about them. I admire and respect your courageousness and look forward to the continuation of your blog! Aunt Aimee

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  5. I would like to encourage you to visit this page
    http://relevantradio.com/audios/the-drew-mariani-show
    and scroll down to the show on the 13th, hour 1, Dr Robert Enright. I was listening to this today, and the Holy Spririt told me that I should tell Guadalupe Maria about this show and this Dr.'s book called "The Forgiving Life"

    Here is the link to the book

    http://www.amazon.com/Forgiving-Life-Overcoming-Resentment-Creating/dp/1433810913/ref=sr_1_1?
    s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1329601323&sr=1-1

    I realize I know absolutely nothing about what you went through, are going through, but as a sister in Christ, I couldn't help but think of you when I was listening to this broadcast.
    God Bless and heal you.

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  6. I just left the above message, and i wanted to say I am not in any way thinking you are bad for posting so honestly as you do. I really hope it helps to get it all off of your chest and heart. Your blog has really helped me to remember to be a gentile and loving Catholic mama with my 5 children, and to trust in Gods mercy and love for me.
    Its just the Dr was talking so strongly about how women who were abused, who followed their 14 month program, began to love themselves again and their depression was gone. We all want that for you sister.
    God Bless

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  7. You have no reason to be ashamed. Your story deserves to be told. You are courageous and amazing.

    Please don't let other people shame you in any way.

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