Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Done
I can't do this anymore. There are two sides to every story. If my parents want to come out and tell people I am a master manipulator, schemer and have always controlled the entire family they can. I am hurting very deeply inside and it was never my intention to hurt anyone through this blog or in asking any other questions that I did about my father's background. I attend therapy every week in order to get over my bulimia and it is extremely painful recounting childhood details on this blog and in therapy. I no longer feel that I can put any of my details shared in therapy on this blog after I heard that my parents spoke of me as being evil again. I worked hard to build my self esteem over 18 years enough to seek out help for myself and try to build a life for myself, my husband and children. I will have a private blog for my bulimia recovery and may come back in a few years after I am fully recovered. My children are too important to me to risk relapse at this point. I only have been in recovery for almost 6 months. If my sisters wish to continue to keep this blog up it is up to them, but I no longer will be posting. Thank you all for your support.
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Your decision should be respected by EVERYONE you have to do what is best for you! You have come to far to let it break you now! You have opened so many eyes thus far and we appreciate learning the things we have... we probably never would have known and would have gone on to respect him and his ways... no one that had been doing what he was deserves respect... You are NOT evil, you are beautiful,strong, and accomplished... You can beat this! Good luck in all you do and dont forget all of us that are here to support you!<3 xoxo
ReplyDeletePlease take care of yourself first. Your father still exerts a lot of control over you, for instance telling others how evil you are. I feel so sorry you and your siblings had to grow up with his abuse. I look forward to sometime in the future hearing about your recovery.
ReplyDeleteGigi
Yes! Take care sweet girl!! You have already raised awareness sufficiently. God knows there is so much more that could come to light, but may light shine on your soul, deep in your core, where he is knitted to your being,
DeleteYou are not evil. Your father is running scared and trying to say anything to maintain his power over you and your siblings and trying to save his image he has created for himself. Any sane person would know everything you and your sisters have posted have been from the heart and depths of your pain. May you continue your recovery and do not let your father have any control over you even from afar. If you need anything please let me know. Love, Brenda Marks
ReplyDeleteYou should do what is best for yourself, and know that everyone who has read this blog only cares for your well-being and happiness. Your decision is respected by everyone, and we are all grateful that you shared your story with us. I know I can't imagine how difficult it must have been, but it wasn't in vain. You are a wonderful person, and nothing your father says will ever change that.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad to hear that you won't be continuing the blog. I am forever grateful to you for revealing the truth about the abuse that my sister, your mother, has suffered. And I am so incredibly proud of you for facing your abuse and working toward your recovery. Your father is an incredibly evil man. My family has known this for years, and years. How ironic it is that such a depraved and heinous individual would call such a wonderful, kind, loving young woman, evil. It is laughable, Maria. Absolutely ridiculous. Appalling. Desperate. Grandma and I are one hundred percent behind you. Much Love, Aunt Aimee
ReplyDeleteI don't know you but have read and followed this blog. You are incredibly brave, not evil. I think your writing was beautifully written and with such emotion I even got emotional (I am not emotional at all) reading it. I wish you and your family well. I don't pray in the traditional sense but will think of you often with only good thoughts. Brave brave strong strong.
ReplyDeleteStay strong. He is just trying to break you again. You may never know how many others besides you & your family you have helped with sharing your history. Be proud of all you have done. Thank-you
ReplyDeleteYour father is only good in his own eyes and many many many people surmised the abuse when looking into the eyes of you children.. I have talked to many people about the abuse this man has done and everyone and most are members of the church he attends agreed that he must have abused you and your siblings but they couldn't prove it..even the priest suspected abuse.. so don't think for a minute that you have no support and he is believed by many that you are evil.. they saw you grow up they saw tthe way you sat in church and the sadness in you and your siblings eyes.. they saw your over powering father try to not only rule the catholic church but dominate all around him . He is only respected in his own eyes and there is a greater power he will have to deal with and it won't be here on earth... you have done a wonderful justice to the world by having the courage to reviel a very bad man.. be proud and keep strong and the blessings you so deserve will come...
ReplyDeleteI hope in the future you will come back [and your sisters ]and keep writing this blog.
ReplyDeleteYour father and mother need to have what they did or didn't do ,put into the light of day. It is only in the darkness, the lies they spread and fear they instill in all of their adult off spring that allows them to control and keep the truth hidden.
My hope is that all the adult siblings will unite and stand for the truth. When your parents can use words to make you'all stop writing this blog there is something wrong, seriously wrong with your parents.If it isn't the truth why are they fighting it ? Think about it, they are fearful of your words.
You have more control of them then you realize or use !!
Personally, I wouldn't listen or have contact with the people who told you that mom and dad are spreading lies about you. They are acting as agents for your parents to hurt you ...again. They should tell your parents that they believe you and support you.I doubt your parents would confide in those people again. Bullies only exsist because no one stands up and tells them to stop, I don't believe your lies and I won't listen to them.I will not hear let you spread lies about her.
I pray for you all.
Just came across this site today and have only read a little. I've been in therapy for decades. A little advice ~ when things are overwhelming take life one day, one hour, even one minute at a time. Take good physical care of yourself ~ healthy food, lots of fresh water, rest and sleep, exercise in fresh air. Are you the one who wrote *Letting Go of Pain*? That was beautiful. Carry those words with you and read often. The pic of sky and daisies with it was beautiful too. You may need to cut anything and anyone out of your life for a time (or forever) that causes distress. Continue to be a loving mom to your children ~ raising my daughters saved my life. When your mind is tormented what I do (may not be the healthiest but works for me) is *jumble*. I quickly think of as many different things as possible, then move into thinking about lovely things. Some parts of us won't ever heal. But we can surround ourselves with anything that gives us a spark of joy, a sense of safety and a reminder of accomplishment. Anyone or anything that threatens your progress may need to be cut out. Your heart is so strong and will give you the best advice for YOU. Peace and Love to you ~~~ Dianne
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your sweet comments. They mean so much to me. My family has been a big support. Just re-reading your lovely comments sometimes makes me smile. My kids bring me so much joy every day. I am happy where I am now and pray for the situation that it gets better with my father. I choose to always believe and hope no matter what. Love you all <3
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear you are happy where you are now and that your children bring you joy every day !
ReplyDeleteChildren are to be loved and cherished and it sounds like you have that piece of heaven on earth with your family!!
P.S.
Seeing your name and picture again is wonderful !
i came up similar to you . i want you to know you're not alone. it is hard when your parents are so deeply messed up. there's so much i want to say becaus i relate to you. but i need to maintain annonymity. just know taht i believe you. i also was a child of christian leaders. people dont realize that so many fundamentalist christians are deeply deeply disturbed. most of them . im so happy to see you have carved out a good life for yourself. there is so much pain in my family, the aftermath of dealing with our "godly" parents. not to not take responsibility. but basically im saying ...i really hear you. loud and clear. love to you.
ReplyDeleteI tried to get in contact with you via facebook. I thank you for taking the time to write this blog. Unfortunately, your father's influence still exists. This blog made me understand so many things that I did not understand. This is was so brave of you to share this. Maybe you will save others from going down this path. I too recognize some of your experiences and know the pain. God bless you and your siblings.
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